Ocean Wei
淼
In golden hour, my eyelids too heavy
to close. My breasts hang like plums.
I was born a woman, yes, I was born a man.
I was born queer,
a tanned-skinned baby gasping for water (not milk). Oh, I always craved
water: I chugged it first thing in the morning, a ritual sacredly observed.
every time I braid my hair after shower it becomes worship.
my body is holy, yes. my body is made of water & your body too,
though you might deny it.
when I kiss you I am relinquishing water.
when it rains I am pouring my soul in you.
you told me that reincarnation is when waves enfold scars
on my chest. when I, topless, splash water on you
in a stream.
when my chest is heavy with air, you lick the salt
off my body, soaking in seawater.
god I love you so much that I can jump in the ocean.
I love you like we were born in the same water, and if they don’t understand,
let them be damned.
god I crave water so much that I can jump in the ocean,
or my mother’s womb.
淼: lit: three water. used to describe large bodies of water: vast, wide, expansive, endless.
漂
My body is a country: my hair make up
the rich soil, black & thick
& grows like weed. Sharp tongue
and yellow teeth mark
the uncontaminated territory.
I flow from the crown of snow mountains
to the root of rainforests, lingering to
be reborn in the eye of the ocean.
I spy on a future where I dissolve
into the lake. I wear the water
on my fingertip: the river feeds me
& I suck on it. In the water, even
grasses are crowded with dreams
of migrations. I am always migrating
somewhere, floating between bodies,
putting fingers on my dry lips, waiting for
magic. Destinationless. I drift in
my own body. It’s not
that special. I, too, have
a place I can’t return to.
漂: to float, to hover, to drift; (occasionally) to migrate
酒
When I was young
I turned the wine glass upside down
and pretended the curvy container
was a glamorous dress
that held up a ballerina’s gaunt upper body
& her updo shaped like a plate.
The adults drank wine, laughed & exchanged
the embarrassing stories from childhood.
I sat there, praying unconsciously that
a god would turn the hourglass in my chest downward & make me
feel like other female bodies.
When I flipped the glass back
it stood like a flower holding ice water.
“Quit playing with the spices!” my mother demanded.
I disobeyed. It wasn’t until much later did I understand
you can’t pour salt back to where it came from.
酒: wine. I always mistook it as “洒” (spill) as a child.
海
my mother says,
“I saw the ocean when I was pregnant with you,”
by which she means, I love you.
海: ocean.